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**For the friends and family members reading this, don't freak out. This is not an announcement.**
When I was growing up, I thought I would have kids. It wasn't a hope or a dream, but just where I thought life would take me. I didn't really think that much about having kids in college, because well, it seemed like it wasn't the right time.
It wasn't until Pat and I graduated and got married that people started to put the pressure on that I started to think about it. But no matter how I thought about it, it just seemed like a bad idea at the time.
-We're just getting settled
-We're trying to save up money
-We are living in a van in New Zealand
-We just got back from living in a van
-Oh, there are these things called student loans that we need to take care of
...you get the idea.
The reasons piled up, but in the back of my mind I figured there would be a time when it felt like it was time. But that time hasn't come. Just two days ago I was taking a shower (where I get all my best ideas) and I thought, "We should definitely include a 3 month sabbatical to Spain in our 5 year plan."
It didn't even occur to me until after I told Pat my brilliant plan, that that plan doesn't make a lot of room for children in it. Both could be accomplished, for sure, but it would be harder. Was that extra few degrees of difficulty worth it? I couldn't answer that question.
I always expected that I would just KNOW. I'm so jealous of people who just KNOW that they do or do not want kids. That sureness is such a huge gift. Whenever I see an adorable kid, I get a pang that I'd want one too. But, I personally think that's just nature's way of tricking me, I feel the same way about puppies after all. Because when I think about it rationally, kids are a terrible idea. They're messy, expensive, time consuming, body ruining, adorable monsters.
There's so much that I want to do, that it is already going to take me my whole life to accomplish it all. If I have a kid(s) there's going to be some sacrifices. I just wish I knew that those sacrifices would be worth it. And you can't trust parents who love their children. They'll tell you without batting an eye that it's worth it while their adorable little ones smear glue in the carpet. They are also the same people that tell you "oh, don't worry, you'll figure it out" when you explain the financial burdens and uncertainties of raising children.
I hope the "you'll just figure it out" means that I'll find an extra $250,000 over the course of the next 18 years and that I raise productive well balanced humans so I can retire at a decent age, because I will go off the grid if I have to, to push them out of the nest.
This rant is just to ask people in general to be kind to those of us who are unsure, and those who are sure. Everyone from the mother having her fifth child, to the ones who know for sure that they don't want kids, to us fence sitters that get judged. Once, when I said we didn't have kids yet, this judgey women I was talking to said " What, don't you like kids?!". I hadn't even shared with her my doubt about this whole spawning new people thing before she railed in. Liking kids and making the commitment to care for them forever are two different things.
In fact, it seems reckless to not at least give such a big lifelong commitment some consideration. If we do decide to have kids, and we take them out of school for three months so we can all learn Spanish together in Basque country, don't judge us. I imagine most parents out there are just trying to keep their heads above water while taking care of these little people and still trying to be their own unique individual who has dreams and fears and goals.
I really want to believe that we can have it all. But before we can have it all, we need to know what we want.
-This post is brought to you by Skeeter's mid-life crises, which just like Skeeter has arrived at the airport much much too early.
Happy Travels everyone!
Hi there! I'm Skeeter. I grew up moving a lot and that makes me a bit restless for travel and exploration. I started this blog with my husband Pat when we decided to backpack New Zealand for a year. We are always looking for the next adventure and are loving life. We're just your average couple with two sassy dogs and a love for travel. We're sharing our travels and the tips we pick up along the way.
Hello! I'm Liz. Blogging is very new to me, but I'm so excited to finally write as much as I talk!
"Don't forget to travel happy"-Skeeter & Liz